Depression and Creativity

I haven't been blogging for weeks but this short post took me more than an hour. Sometimes I am depressed. There's still a stigma around the subject which is one reason why I don't talk about it a great deal. If I'm honest though, the main reason I say so little when I'm down is the way in which depression isolates and stifles creativity. I don't feel like talking or even stepping out of the door, so mostly I don't. Every piece of writing or phone call is such an effort that they dwindle to a trickle. If God is in his heaven and all is right with the world the words flow easily. When God seems deaf and blind I envy Job and the Psalmists their eloquence in suffering. Most of my unease though, when I'm in this frame of mind is not aimed at God but directed inwards. I find it almost impossible to believe that I can be the same buoyant, confident, fluent person of a month ago. It's like cohabiting with a particularly vile and intemperate squatter - namely myself.

I don't know how this squares with the supposed association between melancholy and artistic achievement. The two do seem connected but so much pseudo-scientific waffle comes from people who don't know the internal world of depression. My experience is that when I'm depressed I achieve very little. Depression is a cheat, a liar and an imposter which doesn't deserve respect as the companion of 'troubled poets'.